We've been trying to get pregnant this summer, and so far it hasn't worked out. If I'm not pregnant this month, I'm going to put it off until the winter and instead run the Baltimore Half Marathon. So since I'm not sure if I am pregnant or not, I'm just going to continue running and start training for the 13.1 miles on October 16.
While I want to be pregnant right now, I realized that I loved training for my first half marathon in May. Having the structure of a training schedule worked well for me; I got great sleep every night, I ate better (and really well the night before a long run), and I felt an immense amount of pride at being able to say I was going to achieve my goal of running 13.1 miles.
But there were so many unknowns with training the first time around. It took me a while to learn how to pace myself, what foods to eat to give me proper fuel for the long run, what to do if I got sick and missed a workout. To be honest, there was quite a bit of anxiety around whether or not I was doing things the right way.
Now that I finished one half, it's in my blood. I need to do another, and I was feeling a little sad that I wouldn't be able to run the Baltimore Half because my plan was to be pregnant. Waiting until next year (or even longer) seems so far away to get back to the routine of training. So right now, 10ish weeks away is the do or die moment on deciding whether or not to train for the half. I know I could just train for a 5K instead, but now that I've done 13.1, I don't like the shorter distance as much. I'm a slow runner, and running a 5K makes me feel pressure to run faster than I'm comfortable running. After completing the half, I thought I'd be faster (which technically I am), but I guess I expected miracles... going from a 12 minute mile to a 7 minute mile isn't realistic at all. At a 5K race, everyone is always flying past me, which I used to be okay with because I was a newbie to running, but now I feel panic to be better and I feel guilt for being slow... thoughts I don't want start to rush through my mind. You're not good enough. You're not fast enough. Maybe if you didn't eat that cupcake last night...
Running the half, I feel more comfortable to run slower because I'm going farther. And I get more of what I love about running-- me time. My head feels clearer. I have more time to sort through my thoughts, or if I want I can just tune out and listen to my playlist (and always sing to "All the Single Ladies" near the end of my run). And I feel so strong.
I think training for a half this time will be better because this time I know what to do-- how to train, how to eat, how to dress (I was wearing cotton for some of my training... gasp!). So regardless of whether I'm pregnant or not, it's a win-win situation. Either I'm going to be really running with a baby on board, or I get to train again for a half marathon. Either way, I'm happy. And that's what running for me is all about, just being happy.
So this weekend, I'll need to do 6 miles Saturday, which is going to be interesting since I'll be in Long Island for a friend's wedding. My best friend (who I am happy to say is my very hot date since my hubbie is staying home with Dill) may need to kick me out of bed early Saturday morning to log some miles before the 11:30 wedding.