Paper Joy

Sorry I've been an absent blogger. I should start this post by saying I love my job. Being an English teacher, I get to watch kids fall in love with books and ideas. And there is nothing better than that.

But this joy comes with a price: grading essays. The stack of papers to grade is never ending (until June, that is), and with almost every paper, I wonder if kids wear earplugs while I teach. It seems they never hear what I say, which is why I also put everything I say in a handout. And then I am forced to wonder if my students are unable to read handouts. I know they can read text messages and Facebook messages, but there must be something about the ink on a photocopy that prevents them from seeing the words on the page. Bless their little hearts (although I usually curse them while I'm grading their papers...)

So I've been buried under stacks of essays for about the past month, and sometimes the papers are so bad, I want to cry while I grade. But other times, the essays are so bad, all I can do is laugh. Laugh so hard I almost pee my pants. (Okay, there are a few good essays in the stack, but not nearly enough, EVER!) In fact, my colleagues and I have started a running list, a Wall of Fame/Shame, really, of all the things that make us laugh while we grade. I thought I'd share some of my favorite comments from student essays (I pulled some of these from the internet because I couldn't remember as many as I'd hoped).

1. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.

2. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When Elizabeth exposed herself before her troops, they all shouted, "hurrah." Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo.

3. My neighbor is death and dumb. (instead of deaf and dumb, or preferably, mute)

4. I said, "Whatever, my butt, start fighting again, and you see, it's going to be on like popcorn." (What does this even mean?)

5. Islamic people speak aerobic. (That's an example of spell check ruining a common sense point.)

6. And my all time favorite from one of our Honors students: I hate testes. I choke on testes. (I imagine this kid meant tests. I hope...)

Ahh... happy grading. Back to Hell I go.

Tomorrow I am guest blogging over at RunCourtneyRun. Come check it out!